Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Cindy has a few tips for keeping the romance alive ...

In early February I sent out a blog entry entitled, “Keep the Romance Alive in Your Marriage.” In case you missed it, check it out. Almost immediately, I received a note from Cindy. Allow me to share her exact submission.

“Matt and I are celebrating our 7th year together this year (and our 2nd wedding anniversary already!), so in response to your inquiry about our ideas and activities here are a few things that Matt and I do in order to keep the romance alive.

I leave Matt notes frequently. In years past I used this as a way to communicate when we had little time together during the day. Now I use it as a way to let him know I am thinking about him. I use materials I have around the office to make little cards for him and then I write in them. He has kept all the notes I ever wrote him over the past 7 years. I don’t want him to ever think that he is not constantly on my mind.

I keep track of how often we are intimate together. Life can get so busy that too much time can pass between love-makings if I don’t consciously think about when was the last time. So keeping track of it, even mentally, helps me make time for intimacy which helps strengthen our relationship.

We take ‘snuggle naps’ together on the couch and spend time everyday just lying in each other’s arms, even if we’re just watching TV. We started this a few years ago when our work schedules finally started to coincide. I would get home by 4 PM, make dinner, Matt would come home by 5 PM, we would eat and then take a nap together before I had to go to class at 7 PM. We enjoyed this time together so much that we have continued it for years now. There is something so special about lying in each other’s arms with our bodies pressed together.

Thank you for all the suggestions. I will be using them and I look forward to sharing your blog with Matt later today. Warmest Regards…Cindy”

Thank you for sharing Cindy. Now others can begin to invigorate us with their ideas and suggestions.
Blessings…Rev. Elisheva

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Keep The Romance Alive in Your Marriage

Statistics show that 50% of all marriages end up in divorce. The number one reason is drifting apart. What does “drifting apart” mean? I’m sure that many pages can be filled with answers. When the romance is gone from the marriage the foundation of the union begins to crumble.

Romance and sex are not the same thing. But, romance can lead to sexual intimacy. And, if there is no more romance and sexual intimacy, then the marriage is dead for all intensive purposes. One might say it has entered into a business relationship even if the couples stay together in spite of everything.

Some remain for financial reasons, business reasons, or for the sake of the children. In the case of children, a happy marriage makes for a much better parent to the kids. But this type of atmosphere is not only an unhealthy atmosphere in which children might live but also destructive for the couple as well.

Most marriages without intimacy and romance will end up in divorce anyway in spite of trying to hold everything together. It is not hard to find somebody to marry, but it is very difficult to stay married. The work towards a happy marriage begins from the very second you both say, “I do!”

So, I come back to my original question – How do you keep romance and intimacy alive in your marriage especially after children are born? For those of you whom I have married, I suggest you pull out your questionnaires that you completed before your wedding day and re-read the questions and answers for each of you, specifically those questions dealing with how he/she makes you feel loved. Also, why do you love him/her?

You know the questions. There were MANY OF THEM, and your answers were powerful, uplifting and inspiring. According to those answers your marriages will NEVER FALL APART!

So, from where does this 50% divorce rate arrive? I know that mortgage payments, money pressures, seemingly endless children’s activities without help, two jobs, a bad economy, and many more things have contributed to the stress and strain leading to divorce. Sometimes one partner may escape into the computer world, or another form of seeking fulfillment, but THAT IS THE TIME FOR TALK. Don’t let it bloom into neglect! Remember - the most important thing is the love shared between the two of you. This is the foundation upon which everything else in your lives is built upon.

Here are a few tips which I give to you hopefully keeping the romance alive.
  1. Bring home a rose or a flower outside of birthdays and anniversaries.
  2. Float rose petals in a scented bath for two.
  3. Place a sheet in front of the fireplace. Cover the sheet with rose petals, and light your room with candles. Then ….. (I don’t need to tell you from here )
  4. Leave a trail of rose petals that leads towards a romantic gift.
  5. Say, “I love you” at least once a day.
  6. Say, “I love you” in a different language.
  7. Throw a kiss from across the room.
  8. Dance with each other in your own living room.
  9. Write unexpected love notes to each other.
  10. Hold hands while you are having a disagreement.
  11. Plan and cook a meal together.
  12. Give your spouse an unexpected massage.
  13. Have a date night, and arrive at the restaurant or special place separately, pretending that you just met each other.
  14. Be spontaneous with physical intimacy.
  15. Engage in impulsive and romantic interludes, and rediscover each other, while you let your imagination run wild.
  16. Thank your spouse in an email and cyber-flirt – laying the groundwork for later.
  17. Take a shower together.
  18. Give each other a foot rub.
  19. First practice “sensuality” and then “sexuality.
  20. Turn off the machines and take frequent walks and TALK.

A special note for her: (Explanation: Men have emotional needs too, and they like to hear and feel that they are appreciated. So, tell him the following things.

  1. “I like you”
  2. “You are the best!”
  3. “I am so lucky that I met you!”
  4. “What would I do without you?”
  5. “We are a team!”
  6. “You drive me crazy, and I’m mad about you!”
  7. “You are so hot”
  8. “What would please you tonight?”
  9. “I had an erotic dream and you were in it”
  10. “Let’s do lunch in town today, or dinner after work at (you know).”
More suggestions for both …

  1. Dress up in a special way once in a while. Remember when you were dating you did not show up in jeans and a t-shirt all the time.
  2. Pretend you are dating
  3. Be spontaneous
  4. Listen and observe
  5. Revisit those places you loved to go to while you were dating
  6. Listen to the music that you loved when you were dating
  7. Try, once in a while, to do all those things that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.
Now, if there are children in your lives, it is even more important to be vigilant and aware of not losing focus of your romance and intimacy together. The few points mentioned above are just the tip of melting what MAY be the making of an iceberg. These are NOT trivial suggestions! They may simply lead to your own innovative ideas. The point is however very clear: STOP and FOCUS on your mate.

I am fully aware that I have married many of you who are closer to my age, children grown, second marriages, and a marvelous new beginning. BE KEENLY AWARE that old habits do not totally melt away as time progresses. Do not think for a moment that you can relax with a new partner and not observe the ideas presented in this little essay.

There are all kinds of ways to say it, but ONLY YOU CAN SPRINKLE THE MAGIC DUST WHICH CAPTIVATED YOUR HEART NOT SO LONG AGO. Find the magic and use it again and again.

I am interested to know of your own ideas and activities as to how you keep romance and intimacy alive in your marriages. Again, you don’t have to use your name. You can email me privately if you wish at webelisheva@gmail.com .

Many, many blessings, and happy honeymoons,

Reverend Elisheva