I enjoy contact with the couples I marry. So once in a while, but especially on their anniversaries, I either send an email or call them personally. I inquire as to how is married life, and are those promises which were made on their wedding day being kept!
I refresh my memory about the couple before I contact them. I re-read their questionnaires, in which the couple expressed their hopes, dreams, goals for the future, and what lead up to the decision to get married. There are notes in my files on the couple including conversations we had before the wedding. Some of those conversations were even with parents and siblings.
But mostly, I pay attention to the promises the couple made to each other on their wedding day. So, once or twice a year, I check up on them. I am happy to say that most of the couples tell me they are doing well in upholding their promises.
Some of the feedback includes:
- The purchasing of a new home
- The birth of a baby
- The change of occupation intentionally or non intentionally
- Renewed interest in an educational path finally being pursued
- Taking that much needed vacation delayed
- But mostly, Planning a deliberate activity surrounding the anniversary date to honor the beginning of the most important journey they will ever take together.
So why do I have such an intense interest in the couples I marry? It’s actually pretty simple. The more couples who are happy and loving – the more positive examples are being given to those who struggle with love and hate. Love is contagious! No one is happy with disappointments and hate. In my mind it is possible to create at least something resembling utopia. If enough examples are given of loving, caring and lasting relationships then perhaps this will have an affect on those who are discouraged, pessimistic and afraid to commit themselves in a relationship.
Am I a dreamer? YES! But everything starts with a dream and a vision. So, this is why I follow up with my couples. This is why I continue to tell them, “Don’t wait until the little pebbles of problems turn into a boulder of a problem. Call me! I married you so your happiness is my happiness.”
I also remind couples that as long as I am alive, counseling is always available without charge, sometimes in person if in Charlottesville area, but most certainly by phone and email. My invested interest is my vision of a better world which can only be created with love – not discord. So – I often say, “Call me…let’s do coffee or flavored water. Who can afford the calories over extended lunch?” Love me…Elisheva