Love has no boundaries. Love is all inclusive. She is Jewish, and he is Christian. She is Muslim, and he is Hindu. She is Buddhist, and he is Baptist. She is Christian, and he is Humanist. She is black, and he is white. She is Asian, and he is Caucasian.
Of course we perform same faith, same culture and non-religious ceremonies, but this rather concise article addresses the greater diversity of couples in love. Also, the greater challenges.
Interfaith, interracial, intercultural marriages are increasing. By the time the couple stands in front of us on their wedding day, we have met many of them, and most certainly had numerous conversations and emails. Of significant importance, we have the answers to the questionnaires we provided to them.
Those questionnaires allow us to get to know a couple on a more intimate level for a personalized ceremony. In many instances we will have had conversations and written exchanges with parents and siblings. Not all situations allow for total family contact, but if we have any doubt, we simply ask the couple if they are open to contact with family members. When possible, our aim is to incorporate religious and cultural backgrounds of both families, and intertwine the elements to include, and bring those differences together, in one ceremony.
On occasion a couple enters into conversation with us with a sense of anxiety of how to please each family’s desire to have their culture or religion recognized. Sometimes, a family can cause undue pressure on a couple, as the couple seeks to please both parents. They are seeking balance , while hoping to have the ceremony incorporate their own ideas for the ceremony.
There are times when the minister must serve as the spokesperson for the couple to families, indicating the couples desire to be generous regarding family wishes. Parents may need to be reminded that their children are diligently seeking to incorporate the families, for it is a time of family bonding; but, this wedding is about the love of their children and their desires to reflect their personal hopes and dreams. THIS WEDDING will seek to personally engage and honor families, while giving priority to the couple.
It is a message which is generally quite difficult for many children to express to their families, especially when parents with strong religious or cultural leanings forget that this wedding must build a very permanent bridge between the families. Therefore the couple, with their minister, are determined to integrate as much familiarity as is possible with selected elements to reach that comfort zone for all.
There are some common denominators with these diversified couplings. Most couples have known each other for many years before deciding to get married. Both are well educated, accomplished in their professions, or highly educated for beginning their journey. Many are financially independent from each other. In a large majority of the cases, the parents are immigrants, and the children were born and raised in this country.
There is definitely a generational culture gap from parents born abroad with children raised in the United States. Couples are deeply respectful and sensitive to honor their family’s background . That objective is pursued and discussed to the degree that it allows for their own self-expression.
Most couples have found their own way of life when it comes to religion or belief, and they have developed their own new cultural rituals. It is always such a joy to realize that young people from such diverse backgrounds show so much compassion, respect, tolerance and acceptance towards the differences which exist in such a diverse culture as is prevalent in this country.
These couples have been further strengthened in finding a partner with whom each partner has determined that each can and will build their family unit through their appreciation of diversity.
Their upbringing and background has laid the foundation for such a positive development of character traits. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone, regardless of diverse differences, could develop the ability to accept, understand, and promote love for one another as exemplified by these beautiful loving couples?
We stay in contact with our couples, and as you can see on our website, we receive baby pictures (which we refer to as our “Spiritual Grandchildren”). It is so reassuring to know that these babies will grow up in a home where the first rule of law is LOVE, Tolerance, Compassion, Acceptance and Respect.
It gives us hope for the future of humanity.
Revs. Elisheva & T. Wade Clegg III
