A Poem for All Seasons Every Day

On page 10 from "Poems that Touch the Heart," Compiled by A.L. Alexander, first published in April 1941 is this memorable lesson. Tell Her So  Amid the cares of married strife In spite of toil and business life If you value your dear wife - Tell her so! When days are dark and deeply blue She has her troubles, same as you Show her that your love is true Tell her so! Don't act as if she's past her prime As tho' to please her were a crime If ever you loved her, now's the time - Tell her so! She'll return for each caress A hundred fold of tenderness, Hearts like hers were made to bless; Tell her so! You are hers and hers alone; Well you know she's all your own; Don't wait to carve it on a stone - Tell her so! Never let her heart grow cold Richer beauties will unfold She is worth her weight in gold Tell her so!                                                AUTHOR UNKNOWN If we had one more thing to say, do not delay another day. Happy New Year ... Elisheva and T. Wade

Ideas for Consideration Regarding Our Wedding Services in 2014

Exploration is important in order to establish comfort It is so important that a couple opens our website and reads the unsolicited testimonials and blog postings, accessed from the website home page. The blog postings are not all directed just for a couple planning a wedding, but a scan over the last year will offer some very helpful input. This deliberate review will offer a sense of comfort about "us," even before we speak by phone. Who is US? Just for a bit of early clarification, my husband and I work as a team, both writing and delivering a ceremony. A description and background can also be accessed from the website home page. Our general pattern is that I handle most of the ceremony, and Rev. T. Wade Clegg III provides requested readings, poems, blessings, and assists with rituals as needed. We are both ordained Interfaith Ministers.  My personal background includes an MA in Pastoral Counseling, and completion of the University of Virginia Health System Intensive Chaplaincy Program in 2006. There are NO obligations for exchanges Many couples worry that having a friendly conversation through phone and e-mail exchanges may obligate them.  The first time there is an obligation is after you have complete details in an attachment which is sent by e-mail, after we have talked, and then receive an e-mail from you which requests my participation as your wedding minister. I will then dispatch by e-mail an agreement for return by regular mail along with a deposit. The date is of course secured while the agreement and deposit are in the mail.  Remember - you should not request a minister's services until a complete review of fees has been established.  You should have an agreement with all vendors and participants hired to perform services for your wedding, and that includes a minister or officiant. Why are we asked to perform weddings? Our efforts to personalize a ceremony in collaboration with a couple is the main reason. The core theme of all my weddings is the love of two people, and how we proceed to learn of hopes and dreams and other details of this growing relationship is obtained through the use of individual questionnaires. The questionnaire is not a test; it is a tool for knowing you and being able to produce text and tone to reflect for family and friends why this gathering is the most important day in your life's journey.  The answers are all known to each partner, and through tailored narrative responses, and perhaps more phone conversations, a ceremony is written and provided for your review.  Generally, a ceremony encompasses about 30+ minutes. Personalization can be much more than just the text of the ceremony Family involvement is so very important if there are close relationships. Involvement can involve family or friends performing a reading or a poem; having two close friends or family members each holding a ring; having parents involved in special rituals to honor their presence, such as lighting candles, or offering a blessing of the union. If there are children from present or previous relationships, and they are age appropriate for participation, then this should be considered. Information which is obtained from Questionnaires allows me to know what to suggest in order to make a ceremony family friendly and a lasting memory for everyone. A personal meeting is always possible with adequate planning in advance About half of couples who are planning a wedding many months in the future make a plan to visit us in Charlottesville, Virginia for a tabletop conversation, usually on a weekend day which is not already obligated for a wedding. Many week days are also available for planning.  We understand the need for some couples to have an added sense of comfort, and a personal meeting can be important. Most couples who travel from Maryland, Washington, DC, West Virginia and even hundreds of miles in Virginia enjoy coming to Charlottesville, and even plan for an overnight stay and enjoy the history of the area. However, when a meeting is not convenient for distance, work or obligations, the e-mail and phone exchanges between minister and couple has always proven adequate for purposes of creating an intimate ceremony.  Remember - planning a wedding is part of marriage.  Stay involved together. Discuss and arrive at a comfortable place together. Now - complete that Contact Form accessed on the website home page, and let the conversation begin! Blessings ... Reverend Elisheva

Involve the Minister Early in the Wedding Planning Process

A Good Rule of Thumb ... Once a couple has determined the most desired dates for their wedding, checked with key family members and friends to assess their ability to be present, and  talked to their favorite venue as to availability for the dates ... THEN it is time to talk to those ministers (or other celebrants) with whom there is a comfortability. Ask if they are also available for those dates. Quite frankly, with notes in hand and dates established with a venue THAT is the time to press on and make contact with all participants. Too often couples linger too long for completing their list of key personnel. Regretfully the minister is often near the bottom of the list.  An Important Reminder I am aware that many couples have limited exposure to ministers who seek to personalize a ceremony, making it intimate to them and their special audience. However, that is what my husband and myself do, and it is indeed different than so many very defined weddings. The intimacy  of a relationship and its depth of meaning to a couple will be fully expressed, whether a religiously oriented or a non-religious ceremony. The Ceremony is the HEART of a Wedding Plan I say it often and I mean it sincerely ... this is THE most important ceremony in a couple's life.  It is that time when two people face each other, before their most cherished friends, and declare to each other that each will be the support system totally committed for the well-being of the other for a lifetime.  The audience in a wedding is coming for that special memory when this relationship reached a new plateau. They did not come for the food,  the music, the dancing ...  those are the party elements which they can find at home. They come for the serious celebration, and then enjoy the other opportunities to celebrate openly with a couple. But -  never think for a moment that the words that a couple will speak to each other, and have expressed by their minister, are not important. They are vital expressions which last with all who are present for their lifetimes. It is a precious gift when a couple shares this sacred happening. Both Partners Need to Feel comfortable with their Minister Several prior phone conversations or e-mail exchanges, perhaps even a meeting, will allow for a couple to establish a comfort zone. For some that will involve a trip to Charlottesville, Virginia, while distance or work schedules simply prohibit many from a visit.  Only about half of the couples we marry are able to meet personally before the wedding date. A Meeting Before or After an Agreement has Merit The personal meeting has never been a determining factor in preparation for a ceremony. Yes, a personal meeting does allow for easing the minds of many couples, but our use of questionnaires for each partner has provided a significant route through writing for knowing so very much. Each questionnaire is e-mailed separately to each partner with a request of no discussion with the other partner. I know the answers are indeed coming from each partner without the influence of the other. These questionnaires are NOT a test; they are a tool for learning of hopes and dreams and other matters of the heart.  The core theme of all my weddings is the love of two people. When each partner offers candid, open feelings about their relationship and goals for this journey, I will have the ingredients for a true reflection of their love affair. Remember - professional wedding ministers are constantly receiving inquiries When I provide a response to an inquiry, it is always based on a specific date(s) and time of day. The venue may change, but as long as it is within reasonable distance from the initial site, that is not a problem.  Date, time and town location are key items for an agreement. I also say that "at this writing I am available for your wedding date." Promises cannot be made until I receive a request for my participation, check again for availability, make sure that the couple has reviewed details from which to make a decision, and then I e-mail the wedding agreement. Initially,  I dispatch a detailed attachment to an e-mail with some initial questions, costs, suggestions, etc. In other words, a couple is immediately provided enough details for securing my services. DETAILS are important and in writing to the degree possible.  I will then hold the date while awaiting the return of the wedding agreement with a deposit for return by regular mail.  There is no obligation until a couple e-mails a specific request for my participation. Some Final Thoughts This posting is not meant to be a list of do's and do not's. It is an opportunity for a couple to consider the importance of the ceremony and the start of something really big!  It is a chance to think about the importance of this choice in life, and by writing about it in some small degree may awaken an even deeper appreciation of the words and phrases to be said.  Use these ideas as a guide, and once you have selected a minister, please remember to acknowledge the input of other ministers and celebrants.  No explanation is necessary as to why a couple is going in another direction. Perhaps it is a sense of needing a representative of a particular faith, or trying to honor some wishes of parents. Whatever reasons for a decision, it is a couple's joint collaboration, and that is what is important in maintaining a marriage. Within a week of receiving all details, and having conversation, and certainly after a personal meeting, it is so very respectful to simply contact a minister and relate your decision.  Just sharing.

Let's Talk Weather!

More specifically ...  Let's address the landscape which is Virginia As wedding ministers who travel throughout Virginia, and into West Virginia, Maryland, Washington DC, and sometimes into North Carolina,  the opportunities every month of the year allows us a multitude of experiences.  It also allows for making suggestions to couples, which may mean some extra planning.  No - I am not talking about changing dates, since booking of a venue most likely has already been secured by deposit for a favored location. I am speaking of making plans to secure the best possible outcome for the ceremony. Large or small weddings require the same attention to attendees There is considerable flexibility for small weddings, but no less attention is required for even a few special guests.  They all come to enjoy, listen intently and remember your special day. It does not have to be a perfect setting or perfect weather; it does require adaptability for comfort.  If indeed there is a need to quickly move inside, has that move been reviewed and planned with adequate staff to take chairs, decorations, and equipment inside?  How long will such a change take?  Is there a planned cut-off time for making the move, and no procrastination?  If a small venue or home wedding, let the groomsmen know that they may be recruited for extra duties as the situation dictates. There are better months for planning for outdoor weddings ... so pre-planning is best When scouting venues, talk to location managers or locals, and listen carefully.  As said, we always look at the location on an inquiry form, plus the date, time of day, and size of audience. These factors are all important in early planning, especially for an outdoor ceremony. The very first response to most couples, especially when hosting a large to medium size audience is to make sure that an alternative plan is absolutely in place for moving inside quickly and efficiently.  Yes - it's wonderful to be out in a park or on a beach, until a storm arrives and everyone is forced to either run or sit in total discomfort for a twenty minute ceremony. This can be an adventure for many young people, but rest assured that elderly people with health concerns will not be so enchanted by nature's unexpected turn.  Check the forecast beginning days in advance, and discuss deadlines for movement inside There are months which can be bone-chillingly cold.  And there are months when the heat will melt the candles.  Both conditions affect the comfort of guests, and that can be very disappointing. Friends and family have generally traveled for a day of comfortable surroundings. Thirty minutes outside with a wind chill of thirty-five degrees and no covering can make for a very long ceremony. The same is true when the temperature is one hundred degrees at 3 PM on the lawn of a golf club.  The formal wear begins to be most burdensome. Unexpected cool weather is generally the most disruptive... although heat can be dangerous Cold and wet attire, wind chill, and sitting still and listening for 20-30 minutes is not enjoyable. Do not expect the best voice from a minister or reader, and especially for singers and musicians when the conditions are so challenging.  Sunrise weddings on Virginia Beach may work for an elopement for ten minutes, but quite frankly even ministers tend to pass on some challenges. When a  minister speaks of situations from hundreds of ceremonies ... LISTEN! As much as a couple can be determined to make it work, the first concern must be the guests and female members of a wedding party with naked shoulders shivering in the wind.  May -September are the most popular months, but when it's hot, heat stroke can occur. Standing members can become faint.  Most ceremonies can be situated outside at the time of day when shade will fall on the audience, or a tent may be erected to provide some cover. However, the heat may not be diminished very much, and guests should be provided water abundantly.  When direct sun is a concern, then guests should be allowed to stay in the shade until the last minute and then told to take their places in an open seating arrangement. They must NEVER be allowed to sit and boil while the wedding party is running late for entry. A possibility often neglected Venues in the cooler months should not be overlooked. Take the group inside a cozy resort or B&B for a wonderful environment.  Most venues will be less apt to be filled, and may even offer special price considerations.  Most ministers are delighted to receive inquiries during the winter months.  Of course there may be a need for caution for those months when snows can arrive, such as January-March in Central Virginia. This can diminish travel by air and auto, but generally not for more than a day. Also, many friends and family may actually be more readily available for attendance and able to leave working obligations in the early part of the year.  Just sharing. Remember - whenever and wherever the ceremony takes place,  it will be the most important ceremony in your lives.  However, there is wisdom in close scrutiny and early planning.  Also - the couple who plans together will enjoy the process so much more.  Planning a wedding is a part of marriage.

Much love ... Reverend Elisheva

Share Something Very Special This Year

This message is for widest dissemination, for I have reached into my favorite book to share a poem. The book of which I speak actually has been near our bed stand for years. Some of you will recall that I have shared poems in the past from A.L. Alexander's collection, entitled "Poems That Touch the Heart." It was first printed in 1941, and there were twenty-five reprintings after that. Well - I have been moved to present another lovely poem at this seasonal opportunity. Happy Talk can lead to Extended Joy Elisheva and I were visited two weeks ago by a couple from Washington, D.C. We have been asked to perform their wedding in Luray this summer. During this intimate first time meeting, the couple mentioned that they would immediately depart from the wedding site for the ancient Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan - said to be one of the happiest places on earth. The couple was surprised when we related that one of the most enjoyable reads this year was finding Lisa Napoli's book entitled "Radio Shangri-La." In this intimate little book of her travels, she relates that Bhutan measures its success in Gross National Happiness rather than in GNP. So - we knew something about this place of adventure, where happiness is promoted so integrally into the culture. What was originally to be only thirty minutes over coffee with this soon to be married couple turned into a very delightful, and may I say, happy conversation for ninety minutes. People can lose themselves in happiness.   Being Deliberate in the Pursuit of Happiness Happiness is a topic for which we both are drawn, and books which explore happiness seldom escape our review. That can run the gamet from books of poems to in depth explorations by social scientists, such as Jonathan Haidt. We have read his excellent book, "The Happiness Hypothesis (Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom)" several times, and often use it for reference. He is a social psychologist who describes his corner of exploration and teaching as morality and the moral emotions. Now you know of at least two books which are worthy of your time. The Alexander collection of poems is generally difficult to find, except outside of a library with an extensive diversity; therefore, it is our duty to introduce for your sharing habits one poem at a time over the years. Thinking Happiness, a poem by Robert E. Farley, is our gift for sharing this Holiday Season Think of the things that make you happy,      Not the things that make you sad; Think of the fine and true in mankind,      Not its sordid side and bad; Think of the blessings that surround you,      Not the ones that are denied; Think of the virtues of your friendships,      Not the weak and faulty side: Think of the gains you've made in business,      Not the losses you've incurred; Think of the good of you that's spoken,      Not some cruel, hostile word; Think of the days of health and pleasure,      Not the days of woe and pain; Think of the days alive with sunshine,      Not the dismal days of rain; Think of the hopes that lie before you,      Not the waste that lies behind; Think of the treasures you have gathered,      Not the ones you've failed to find; Think of the service you may render,      Not of serving self alone; Think of the happiness of others,      And in this you'll find your own!

From our family to yours ... Much happiness T. Wade and Elisheva Clegg

I'll Write ... You Read ... then it's meeting time with Bride and Groom

Some important thoughts for a Couple to place on their "To Do" List   And with any luck the time will come when we can sit across a table, sipping coffee and savoring a bit of cheesecake. And we will exchange that most precious commodity: intimate conversation filled with high expectations, new friends discussing plans for their wedding.   Talk of hopes and dreams and the excitement of the journey can turn an hour into two. Many couples simply need to get that sense of comfort with a minister. It's important to hear of concerns, especially to know if their selection of a minister is someone who can bring their ceremony to family and friends in a manner which reflects their wishes. It's important to learn of sensitivities within and between families. It's important to learn of rituals preferred, especially when it is an interfaith wedding. A personal meeting is that opportunity to become comfortable with the person who is performing the most important ceremony in the life of a couple.   Captain Kirk reminded us of an important gift   We were watching a documentary this past evening entitled "Captains." William Shatner, the actor of note from many roles, but especially Star Trek, allowed us to listen to an entertaining couple of hours sharing conversations with all of the Star Trek Captains over the years, and some of the notable cast members so many of us remember. Then at the very end, as the credits were scrolling by, the final thank you came up and stopped. Shatner wrote several comments, and then offered: "These friends allowed me such a marvelous gift ... their time." That is exactly what we hope to enjoy with each couple: their time ... as time is allowed.   So many couples ask, "Can we meet?"   Of course we can meet, and that should be a part of your planning. However, I live near Charlottesville, Virginia and a meeting generally entails a full day, at least for those who live in Virginia, Maryland and the DC area. Many couples who plan ahead will take a weekend day and drive to Charlottesville, often staying for one night, enjoying the delights of this historic town, and meeting with us for a discussion. If a couple needs directions or ideas for a hotel accessible for visiting Monticello, Carter Mountain, University of Virginia, etc, please ask.   Not all couples can make that trip to Charlottesville   Keep in mind that only about half of all couples actually are close enough for meeting with ease. Many couples have waited too late for planning a meeting. Many live in other states, and will fly into their ceremony location just before the ceremony. As much as we would like to have that face to face talk months in advance, and become familiar before a ceremony, sometimes it is just not possible. Then, a bit more time is spent with e-mail exchanges, and the importance of my questionnaire to learn of hopes and dreams and other matters of the heart become so very prominent in order to write for text and tone. Sometimes in the course of exchanges, a phone call might allow for a more open dialogue to settle a matter quickly.   What happens when family members wish to attend that first meeting?   There have been many meetings over the years when a mother of the bride, or both mothers have arrived with the couple. There have been occasions when a couple brought their separate children with them. The list of combinations can be interesting. The question is usually asked: Is it OK for them to come with us? And the answer is: Certainly!   However, at some point after general introductions, I will ask the couple to join me for a private conversation at a separate table, and Rev. T. Wade will occupy the rest of the family with the most interesting conversation one can imagine. He can speak football fluently. There must be private time with the couple.   I have noticed on occasion when mothers are in attendance, there is a tendency on their part to want to know exactly how I will be handling the ceremony. It is at that point, but usually before it is asked, that I offer something like, "Please understand that I do not write a wedding until I have received completed questionnaires from a couple. I then draft the ceremony for their review and their review only. The wedding is therefore always approved by a couple in advance based on their request. I do insist that no one, except the couple, is to hear the script before it is delivered in a wedding. I do this rather deliberately, since a personal wedding must be that of a couple, and exposing it to friends and family lead to exchanges which may put pressure on a couple to make changes. That must never happen, since the ceremony becomes the wishes of others. And I am here to fulfill the wishes of the couple."     Perhaps this might be considered a gentle reminder that YOUR WEDDING IS YOUR DREAM DAY.   Just sharing.

Sound Professionals are Vital to Most Wedding Ceremonies

This is one of those e-mails to be converted to a blog posting which has little merit after a wedding. However, as all couples with whom we have served as wedding ministers will note, our emphasis on securing a "sound" professional was really excellent advice when a wedding had 25+ guests. This is one of those extended articles to serve future couples in their planning. When Wedding Ministers say you need sound ... believe them I never understood why wedding planners often neglect telling couples the importance of sound for the ceremony, whereas sound for a reception would never be neglected. The most important part of a wedding is the ceremony. It is the core part of the celebration which has brought family and close friends from great distances to hear the depth of a couple's commitment to each other. It is a rare and wonderful half hour for the couple, and it MUST BE HEARD. Without sound for the minister and readers, inside or outside, any minister or officiant speaking in an intimate voice to the couple will simply not be heard beyond a few rows of seating. Without sound enhancement that can mean the difference in total enjoyment of the couple's personalized 30-minute ceremony, OR at least half of an audience simply sitting in the sun periodically hearing noise from the front. Nothing is more disappointing for grandparents with less than perfect hearing to be totally shut out of a day which is so meaningful to them. There are consequences when hiring the less than professional It is not possible to remember all of the sound people with whom we have worked over the years. There have been many who simply were not prepared to accommodate the ceremony, but were hired as a DJ for the reception. The less acquainted have come with a hand-held microphone and no stand to hold it, not realizing that a minister's hands must be free at all times. Some less acquainted with sound may place speakers in a position where feedback can suddenly scream at the audience. Some less acquainted will not have wireless microphones and not enough cable to do the job for a large wedding. Some less acquainted will not have scouted the wedding ceremony site (or asked about the site) to check if the sound system may need battery power, since the site is far from an electrical connection. Some less acquainted will place the system at the site without monitoring the ceremony, and when something goes wrong, there is no one to immediately correct the matter. Some will be dressed far too casual for a large formal ceremony. SO ... why not hire a Professional? Recently, I wrote to a number of professional sound professionals, many who are not only employed for the ceremony, but also for their other professional skills. Each of the persons listed below are people and firms who know their jobs and have the equipment to make it happen. I will only offer the four (4)  with whom I have experienced several times, and with whom I am gratified each time they appear at a wedding site. Please read the short notes provided to me, and then explore their websites for complete details. Then - email or call to secure their services. As professionals, please realize that their bookings are made many months in advance. Eric Cunningham of Choice Entertainment ... My radius is normally 75 miles from Richmond.  So I will travel to Norfolk, South Hill, Charlottesville and NOVA. Pricing depends on the number of microphones needed. 10035 Sliding Hill Rd Ste 200 Ashland VA 23005, 804-788-4603 Eric@ChoiceEntertainment.com      www.ChoiceEntertainment.com Ran and Linda Henry of Blue Mountain Weddings ... offer a unique blend of services as husband and wife, helping to create and capture wedding memories.  From Charlottesville churches and Blue Ridge Mountain wineries to the ballrooms of Richmond, the District of Columbia and the Maryland shores, the Henrys entertain and photograph joyous, romantic celebrations. Ran Henry is a wedding dee jay and emcee performing at over 1700 events since 1984, with stellar sound, unobtrusive speakers, tasteful lighting and the skills to compose a musical menu brides and grooms and wedding guests will savor.  Ran Henry is an expert reception planner and emcee, assuring a timely flow of formalities and the enjoyment of every blissful moment.  Ran Henry uses Shure microphones to amplify all the voices of a wedding day, and compact discs, not computers, for warm, natural sound. Ran and Linda Henry provide premium photographic services as a couple, giving you over a thousand images of your wedding day, depicting you and your family and friends through eyes only a husband and wife can share.  Linda Henry is the portrait artist, Ran Henry the photojournalist, focusing on the highlights you can't forget and those candid shots that bring smiles.  The photography of Ran and Linda Henry is featured in the Miami Herald, the St. Petersburg Times, the News-Virginian and the Charlottesville Daily Progress. For complete details:www.bluemountainweddings.com Josh Nicol,  DJ ... I am willing to travel around the Central Virginia area if I am not booked at Khimaira Farm in Luray. I would be more than willing to travel between Northern Virginia and Winchester down to between Charlottesville and Harrisonburg. Address: 432 Sunnyview Drive, Rileyville VA 22650 Phone:  540.860.2653(cell) 540.743.9425(home) Email: josh@djjoshnicol.com  Website: www.djjoshnicol.com Here is the link to our website detailing info and our Khimaira Farm (Luray, VA) website: http://luraypageweddings.com/services/music/ http://www.eventsatthefarm.com/AVEquipment.htm Jason Rethemeyer, the AV Company... "We call Charlottesville home and the majority of our business is done within a 60 mile radius of Charlottesville.  We have worked with most of the wineries in the central Virginia region that open themselves up to weddings and events.  Our most popular package for weddings is our ceremony sound package that provides the client with a slim line Bose tower speaker, 2 wireless microphone systems (typically one clip on style microphone for the celebrant and one handheld style placed on a microphone stand for any readers or singers) as well as a technician to remain on-site during the ceremony to monitor the microphone levels and ensure everything flows smoothly. We can also play client selected music for guest arrival, processional and recessional if that is requested via a laptop, mp3 player or CD.  We can also offer our clients a large selection of event furniture and décor elements as well as event lighting, whether it be up lighting, pin spots, bistro/string lights, band lighting or dance floor color wash.  Some pictures of past events can be found on our website www.theavcompany.net.  the AV company 1825 Avon Street Extended  Charlottesville, Virginia 22902 tel: 434-977-8288  cell: 434-566-3772  fax: 434-977-1988     jrethemeyer@theavcompany.net                      A Final Note When a professional is fully booked, he or she will generally know of other professionals to assist in your area. Ask, so you can continue your exploration. If you know of a professional sound person with whom you had a favorable experience, please share with us, and in future offerings for couples in need of that advice, I will happily pass it along. Blessings ... Reverend Elisheva