The Necklace...A Beautiful Story! OR IS IT?

Just some observations from Rev. T. Wade Clegg III

The following story originated with someone I do not know and was then transmitted by someone I do know, hoping to provide what they believe to be inspirational. However, like so many “seemingly” inspirational offerings which I receive, I seldom pass them along. I often wonder if such stories are really being read, and more importantly, I fear that this particular story which is aimed at adults might actually be passed along to children as a worthwhile message. You be the judge.

The Necklace…A beautiful story!

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

“Oh Mommy, please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?”

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl’s upturned face.

“A dollar ninety-five. That’s almost $2.00. If you really want them, I’ll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday’s only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.”

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to her neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday School, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, “Do you love me?”

“Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you.”

“Then give me your pearls,” said Jenny’s dad.

“Oh daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She’s my very favorite.”

“That’s okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night.” And he brushed Jenny’s cheek with a kiss.

(Forgive me for interrupting, but does this sound like a Grimm tale with that wolf? Sorry, but it just struck me that daddy is really toying with little Jenny)

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny’s daddy asked again, “Do you love me?”

“Daddy, you know I love you.”

“Then give me your pearls.”

“Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.”

“That’s okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.”

(Forgive me for interrupting, but I am almost exhausted having to read and write this gibberish again…my desire to jerk the hair on Jenny’s dad’s head is almost unbearable!)

And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

“What is it, Jenny? What’s the matter?”

(Forgive me for interrupting, but can you imagine that this “daddy” has no clue why little Jenny is weeping! WOW, this guy needs therapy!)

Jenny didn’t say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, “Here daddy, this is for you.”

(Forgive me for interrupting, but just as Jenny started to quiver, I screamed, “NO JENNY, DON’T GIVE BIG DADDY THE PEARLS!! He has no sense of the sentimental value to you! You worked, you saved, you took Grandma’s dollar and invested in those pearls. ASK HIM WHY HE NEEDS THEM SO BADLY! But… it was too late.)

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny’s daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.

(Forgive me for interrupting, since I needed to settle down and catch my breath. When Big Daddy started to weep, after the family made little Jenny earn her own birthday pearls (with the help of Grandma’s pension), and then saw no shame in brow-beating little Jenny with guilt, night after night, to let go of her precious pearls…well I had to stop writing for just a minute. I HAD NO CLUE THAT BIG DADDY WAS A BANKER, AND CHEAP STUFF IS NOT ALLOWED, NO MATTER HOW MUCH MORE VALUABLE IT MAY BE TO A FIVE-YEAR OLD CURLY HAIRED LOVING CHILD.)

(AND NOW THE MORAL OF THIS BEAUTIFUL STORY)

So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place. God bless… (The end)

No more interruptions; it’s sadly over. Little Jenny has been coerced over the weeks and burdened with so much guilt that she gives up those pearls and gets the real thing. Daddy did not tell her WHY he wanted those pearls, and little Jenny is just FIVE, and not old enough to ask some simple questions. No rhyme or reasons, just Daddy wants those pearls. There needs to be suffering for little Jenny with all that guilt in route to getting her Mercedez. It makes it all worthwhile with the suffering. After all without the suffering and guilt how would she know? Know what? Poor little Jenny may lose her Mother tonight, and Big Daddy will provide someone better. Seems logical.

Something is terribly wrong with this story. If there was a desire to relate a lesson of learning, this was not it. WHERE is the unconditional love in this sobby tale? There is so much simplicity packed into this story, and sadly these are the stories which are almost never questioned upon receipt. They are just labeled, “a beautiful story.”

My dear lovely readers…please take stock of what you are NOT questionning, and talk to your children when they come home from Sunday School or church, and allow them to hear (as Paul Harvey said so well)…THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY.

There is so much more to say, but not today. These thought-provoking stories of guilt, shame, suffering little children with worthless stuff, and a God who will not tolerate cheap pearls, just keep coming, so I need my rest to read them all, and know when to delete. AMEN.

Beautiful Locale for Weddings & Ceremonies

It is not often that we write a special entry to promote a business or person, but sometimes, something comes along that requires mentioning. When a couple confronted with all the planning and excution of the dream wedding, we know this can take its toll .

So when something comes across my path as a wedding minister, which is exceptional, I like to pass it on to my friends. I know most of you are married already, but maybe there will be a friend, family member or vow renewal in your future in need of a locale.

The place I'm speaking of is called "Khimaira Farms" located in the beautiful rolling mountains of Virginia near the town of Luray. You may explore more information about Khimaira Farms at their website located at the following: http://eventsatthefarm.com/

The contact person is Linda Campbell (email: linda@Khimaira.com) who is a very professional and delightful coordinator. The feedback we have had from couples, so far, has warranted this information being passed to you today.

Blessings, Rev Elisheva

Poem by Reverend T. Wade Clegg III

The mirror reflected a mark,
just over my heart

An old wound,
still painful to touch

No, not painful
at the entry point

But just below
at the center of my being

There, where love was ...
and is no more.

Oh wake me,
please wake me

Let me shed this skin
and dream again

And gaze into that mirror
no blemish will I see

There, where love is ...
and will forever be.

From the thoughts of Reverend T. Wade Clegg III

Then - is it not absolutely logical that the most powerful emotion within the human condition will energize a room, and two observors will experience the full influence of these magnetic waves. Perhaps this is the lightning which has been so often expressed in metaphors over time eternal, when true lovers meet. If only this were enough to sustain a relationship; that explosive rush which leaves knees weak and tongues tied. This is the beginning, yes, but the depth of the magnetism to sustain requires constant nourishment, constant observation. In the act of commiting to one another in the acceptance of marriage, each observor is aware that love is sustained by attention. The act of commiting clearly indicates that this unknown force which drew this couple together will be sustained because of their openly declared intention. This intention will influence and continue to energize and from it the most powerful result in creation will result in the human effort. It is called oneness.

Incorporating Children into the Wedding

Allow us to cut to the chase for those of you who have been married, and have children. The diversity of situations, and with different ages, can lend itself to many chapters; but the core of the matter is that this wedding is the formation of a new family with a whole new set of dynamics.

As an Interfaith Minister and a Pastoral Counselor, I use a questionnaire to learn about a couple and their backgrounds. This generally offers an abundance of information which leads to in depth discussions.

Sometimes couples do not allow for adequate time to engage through our questionnaires, but I do not let this matter go unanswered even if our discussion is solely by phone and e-mail. The subject of children, their ages, their acceptance of the new parents and perhaps new brothers and sisters, the present role of birth parents and their acceptance of the new bondings; these are just a few of the matters which need discussion. Inattention by the couple to the feelings of children can lead to disastrous situations.

While most wedding ministers may not be fully equipped for counseling, a couple should consider a formal counseling session, if the minister has qualifications, or seek advice from a family counselor, when the wedding minister is simply hired as an officiant. The couple must allow their excitement to blatantly reach out and engulf their children. They must use the words, “This is as much about you as about me," and show that they mean it.

Children may hide their feelings, or in some cases with the very young, they are simply confused. They are often caught in a game of shuffle between parents who have arranged for weekly and monthly visitations. Many still have the expectation that there will be a return to their previous home with birth parents, and the reality of that not happening only comes forth the day of the actual wedding when a new parent is added to the mix.

I recall vividly when one very professional couple married in their lovely new home. The bride had two teen boys; the groom a teen girl and an eight year old boy. They wanted the kids involved with entry, handling rings, candle-lighting, etc. Although it was not planned, all four children remained next to each parent as full participants during the entire ceremony.

I changed the words in the ceremony and made their involvement very prominent. From the time the service began, the oldest teens – the boy from the bride and girl from the groom - both cried almost constantly. Nothing awkwardly disturbing, but quietly as if the loss of their past lives was breaking their hearts. The other two kids were just confused and held on to their older siblings.

The couple was totally surprised by these reactions. They had not anticipated or prepared for this emotional scene. Indeed, it was learned from one of the grandparents that the distraught boy had been told by his Father that he would never marry again, giving the child hope of reuniting with his Mother. However, the Father had broken that promise and married someone else, and now the final blow was his Mother's wedding.

I spent some time privately speaking to the kids. Each set of kids liked the new parent and appreciated the new friendships. They were just not as prepared as the couple for celebrating the wedding. I gave each child my phone number and asked each to call me if they needed to talk. Their parents had consented to this involvement and the kids sensed that I had an understanding of their feelings.

I remember another couple, the groom without children, and the bride with three little ones, all boys. The wedding was in a small home with family, and the boys were so excited to have a Father. I asked the couple if the children could participate for they had not discussed it. Once the boys were asked, they became very excited and the couple realized how important this wedding really was to the children.

I devised simple little things, even if it meant coming up and holding hands, and placing hands all together over rings. During the ceremony the youngest boy grabbed my leg with both arms and just held on, as we continued. He was all smiles, and when it came time to hug and kiss,everyone wanted in on this special action. The words, “You may now kiss!” will forever have such heartfelt meaning for that family.

The conversation, the ceremony, the rituals, the mention of new and extended grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and a special invitation for all to come forward after the ceremony and greet the kids with their new titles, is such a marvelous opportunity to reach out and touch.

The opportunities for inclusion are many. Use the ceremony to make each child feel special. Once again, the magic word is “inclusion!”

Ideas for the Inclusion of Children:

1. First and most prominent is for the couple, separately and then as a couple,to initiate conversation with the children and the couple's desire for the children to be involved in the wedding. Suggest that until consultation with the minister exactly what this may entail is open for discussion. Listen to their feedback.

2. During procession, children could escort Mother down the isle. Children may accompany Father during his entry also. Children may remain with couple during the ceremony. In one wedding a teenage son escorted his Mother to the minister and was asked, "Who presents this bride?" The boy said, "My brothers and I." Just sharing.

3. Children may take the lead in the procession, preceeding the Maid of Honor/ Groomsmen and stand with them during the ceremony. Children can replace Maid of Honor and Groomsmen and stand with their parents. It may have merit to consider how to involve the children first and then fill in with other participants.

4. Children can be given a special gift during the ceremony, i.e. a special necklace or bracelet (something intimate) with a date/notation engraved, accompanied by, as desired, a special message or statement by the couple. Sometimes this is a most emotional moment, and simply a hug and "I love you," is quite powerful.

5. Children can be involved in a candlelight ceremony. They can light, or be assisted in lighting, smaller candles, which in turn lead to a unity candle concept. Bridesmaids and groomsmen can be designated to assist smaller children.

6. Children may wish to speak to the couple during the ceremony with a prepared message or reading or poem. This is not an infrequent occurance when teens are involved. Perhaps this idea is best offered as an option for consideration by the minister to children. One of the most moving two minutes in a ceremony in my experience was delivered by a 12-year old girl, an only
child, who wanted to express her happiness for having the bride as a Mother. It was after this message that the couple presented her with a gift.

7. Children can be integral in a presentation of a rose to each parent, who can then present each rose to their new spouse. This exchange of roses, which can take place following the pronouncement, would then represent the first gift from one spouse to the other as husband and wife, and the children's participation is tied to this first gift.

8. Children can be involved in the ring ceremony in a variety of ways, serving as holders of the rings, and presenters.

9. Children can participate in a ritual which can be originated around a blessing of the hands of the couple. Sometimes a hand-binding ritual, which can involve a stoll or ceremonial band, is wrapped around the couples' clasped hands, and then the parents of the couple will place their hands on top as the minister offers a blessing. This can also include the children, or remain
relegated to the children. Sometimes...the more the merrier!

10. The above are generally known ways to include children; however, there are so many imaginative innovations. Your wedding will set the tone for this new and vibrant family's future.

Poems That Touch The Heart

From Rev. T. Wade Clegg III

This is the name of Radio Broadcaster A.L. Alexander’s collection of poems from his popular radio series which began on March 31, 1935, known as “Good Will Court.” Later in 1937 Alexander produced and presented to a nationwide audience the Court of Human Relations, also known as A.L. Alexander’s True Story Court.

Since discovering this treasure chest of poems, selectively chosen by A.L. Alexander, the book has remained one of my main sources for weddings, funerals, memorials and for the pleasure of reading. There is no doubt that the collection affected thousands over the years throughout the 1940’s into the 1960’s. Since its first publication there have been twenty-five reprint-ings. From 1956 - 1961 there were five more printings of a revised and enlarged edition. Fortunately my copy is one of the enlarged editions.

In the Introduction to the book, Alexander offers the following: “The object of the program (also called the Mediation Program) was to educate the public to the existence of a method by which grievances, when submitted to a board and approached tolerantly and sympathetically, can be heard and settled with a minimum of delay, with justice, with impartiality and, in most cases, with finality.”

He went on to explain, “Whatever any or all of the broadcasts had or did not have, there was one feature common to all of them. Each had the capacity to start the community thinking and therefore prepare the ground for the advancement of progress. Because of their realism and human interest they touched the heart and often inspired the desire for reformation. All were related in the sense that they grew out of the same basic purpose and human need.”

Alexander noted, “There was one other feature common to all of these programs, the custom of concluding each of them with an appropriate poem.” He added, “I have always had the conviction that poetry of a human and simple nature satisfies a hunger that is part of nearly every person’s make-up. Such expression served to point up and summarize what had been said in the more general way on the program proper, and I found it the most gracious and effective way of bringing the hour to a natural and logical conclusion.”

In the future when I use a poem from the A.L. Alexander collection, I will provide his comments about the impact of poetry in his radio programs and the initial skepticism from editors and broadcast executives. Alexander said, “Tens of thousands from every conceivable walk of life wrote of their being lifted up by a simple verse having the capacity to inspire patience of heart or rekindle hope and faith.”

The collection has had the same impact upon me. Perhaps you will begin to understand how a poem can strengthen your life, and why it is such a pleasure to have you join me over the next few years as we read “Poems That Touch The Heart.”

OL’ CLOTHES

The Junk Man passed the house today
And gave his call in his plaintive way,
“Ol’ clothes!
Ol’ clothes!
Ol’ Clothes!
Any ol’ clothes to throw away?
Any ol’ dishes …any ol’ plates,
Any ol’ pants or hats or skates,
Any ol’ kettles or pots or pans,
Any ol’ bottles or ol’ tin cans,
Any ol’ dresses or any ol’ shoes,
Any ol’ things that you can’t use?
Ol’ clothes!
Ol’ clothes!
Ol’ clothes!
I searched the house and made a heap
Of things that I didn’t need to keep,
Outworn garments and out-read books,
Clothes that had hung on rusty hooks
For the dust to grime and the moths to chew.
And thus the old made way for the new.
I thought, as the old man went his way,
How grand it would be if every day
The Junk Man passed the house to say,

“Ol’ woes
Ol’ woes
Ol’ woes
Any ol’ woes to throw away?
Any ol’ grudges…any ol’ hates,
Any ol’ miseries or sad ol’ dates,
Any ol’ sorrows or any ol’ spites,
Any ol’ fusses or feuds or fights,
Any ol’ sighs or any ol’ tears,
Any ol’ wishing for yesteryears,
Any ol’ quarrels or any ol’ frets,
Any ol’ tears or ol’ regrets?
Ol’ woes!
Ol’ woes!
Ol’ woes!”

Author Unknown

Our Greatest Treasures and Ideas to Protect Them

Yes, I am speaking of children. At this joyous time of year, when families are out and about and in a festive mood, there is often a sense that everyone in the park, stores, malls, churches are all joined in one devoted attitude, namely a giant family affair.

This harmony can be shattered so very quickly, when a parent turns to speak to their child or grandchild and that child is not present. Distraction for a brief moment without keeping the child insight can leave an opportunity for those who are at the gathering for one purpose only...to take a child.

Our entire life as parents and grandparents has been one of zealous monitoring; however, that same attention is not totally practiced by everyone. Keeping a child safe begins with some very deliberate programmed learning.

Perhaps your children are teens, and you feel confident in their ability to gage their surroundings, but it is important that you share these seemingly "child only" rules for safety with them. Even if your older children are nearing college age, the ideas projected in a few simple rules will seep through for their own protection. As you tell them that these rules are being discussed to protect little ones, the older children will indeed listen and learn as they are being equipped to protect the most vulnerable, and perhaps unknowingly themselves.

There are so many details to share with a child, but I would like to ask each of you to read the few "Rules for Safety" which are provided by The National Center of Missing and Exploited Children. They are provided “exactly" as originated by this marvelous organization, for that is the only rule for their publication.

Remember... these "Rules for Safety" MUST BE DISCUSSED WITH FREQUENCY FOR THEM TO HAVE IMPACT.


Knowing My Rules for Safety

1. I CHECK FIRST with my parents, guardians, or other trusted adults before going anywhere, doing anything, helping anyone accepting anything, getting into a vehicle or leaving with anyone.

2. I TAKE A FRIEND with me when going places or playing outside.

3. I TELL someone NO if they try to touch me or do things in ways that make me feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused, because it’s OK for me to stand up for myself.

4. I TELL my parents, guardians, or other trusted adults if anything happens to me.

Sometimes there are people who choose to trick or hurt others. There is no excuse - no one has the right to force, trick, or pressure people into doing things they don't want to do. So use these rules, and remember you are STRONG, are SMART, and have the right to be SAFE. Always

> CHECK FIRST
> TAKE A FRIEND
> TELL PEOPLE "NO" WHEN THEY TRY TO CAUSE YOU HARM
> TELL AN ADULT YOU TRUST IF ANYTHING HAPPENS

For more information to report a missing or sexually exploited child, and/or to provide information about a missing child, please call 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678) or visit the website at http://www.missingkids.com/.

The most important holiday gift we can offer is this opportunity to begin a dialog with your children, and your friends who have children, and share these Rules for Safety.

Stay Safe ...through sharing! Blessings...T. Wade and Elisheva