Our Grief has not subsided, but we remain devoted to our Mission

A Very Personal Note from Thomas Wade Clegg III Your notes, calls, e-mails and gifts in memory of Rev. Elisheva Clegg, who died in the UVA Medical Center on April 6, have been so meaningful to me and our four children,  plus Sam McLawhorn  and those who have supported our charitable activities over the last eight years.  Please know that in due course I will make contact and respond to your comments and wishes. Our personal life as ordained Interfaith Ministers, although separate from the IHS public charity, was used as a supportive branch for funds for the charity.  Elisheva was so enthused each time we wrote and performed a wedding, but especially for the last six years when we allowed couples to participate with charitable giving as a part of their fee. So Much Has Changed and Will Take Time to Adjust Emotionally, I found myself forgetting simple things and just needing to withdraw for short periods.  I know we are behind in writing e-mails and posting blog notes, but that negligence on my part will change. The emails and blog postings may be shorter, but this next month we will provide more details on those who have been helping. So Many Have Asked: What happened on April 5-6 that led to Elisheva's death? I can only tell you that Elisheva did NOT die from cancers in both her lungs. She was working through a well-planned program with the UVA Cancer Center Lung Specialists, beginning at the first of the year.  I have every confidence that the Lung Cancer Center was in route to a complete and fruitful result had Elisheva lived for the removal of the cancer from her right lung which was scheduled for April 7.  She died the day before her final operation. April 5th beginning at about 5:30 PM was a nightmare in slow motion Elisheva walked to our upstairs bedroom, following a long conversation of planning for the remainder of the summer.  She called me to come upstairs. She was having intense pain in her back and chest and needed assistance. The ambulance arrived shortly thereafter and we were in UVA Hospital ER within the hour. She remained in ER for at least 6 hours From slow nightmare to panic alarm During the transition process from her ER rolling bed to the room bed, Elisheva experienced further distress and a code was sounded. The room filled with a multitude, all working feverously for almost twenty minutes until a heartbeat was noted. Twenty minutes is a long time. The next move was down the hall to ICU More hours passed. The description of exploratory intrusion to find the source of the internal bleeding will not be related.  The exploratory was necessary if the bleeding was to be stopped, but the cumulative efforts ended at 0944 hours. The death certificate reads Elisheva C. Clegg died of cardiac arrest, hemorrhage, chest wall trauma. Other significant conditions:  PEA arrest from unknown cause, CPR resulting in chest wall trauma.  Now you know what happened as concisely as I can offer. Some final thoughts I got through the funeral that Sunday, but I do not remember who was there. Elisheva was there in a lovely wooden coffin which my daughters selected for cremation.  I only had one wish and that was to have all four of my very adult children and their children hear from so many friends what generosity she provided with her life.  She loved so deeply and offered such kindness.  There was never a day when she did not say to me, one of the following several times:  "I love you so much."  " Do you know how much I love you?" " Let's do 20 more years, OK?" And I said, "Twenty years plus one!"   And she would kiss me.

Reverend Elisheva C. Clegg passed away unexpectedly in Charlottesville, VA on April 6, 2016 at the age of 72. Elisheva is survived by her husband of 43 years, Thomas Wade Clegg III; her children, Ari Jolly and her husband John Jolly of Jacksonville, FL; Yalda Clegg and her husband Scott York of Alexandria, VA; Kristine Bechtel and her husband Todd Bechtel of Charlotte, NC; Wade Clegg IV and his wife Jolene Clegg of Los Angeles, CA, and sister in law Judith Clegg of Tupelo, MS.  She was also the loving grandmother of Chandler and Jack Jolly, Zachary and Joshua Bechtel and Arthur and Elsa Clegg.   Elisheva C. Clegg was born on January 22, 1944 in Kaiserslautern, Germany and was a war baby survivor of WWII.  She met and married her soulmate Thomas Wade Clegg III on June, 25, 1972 while he was stationed with the US Air Force serving at Ramstein AFB in Germany.  The entire family moved to the United States when Wade completed active duty with the US Air Force in 1974.   Elisheva was compassionate and found her calling in counseling and helping others in times of need.  She received a master's degree in pastoral counseling and became an ordained interfaith minister.  She also attended the UVA medical center chaplaincy program. She was a kind, generous, witty, dedicated individual to all who had the privilege of meeting her.  She was extremely passionate about helping those who were unable to help themselves in times of crisis.   It was this need that led her, Wade and co-founder Sam McLawhorn to create the nonprofit charity Interfaith Humanitarian Sanctum (IHS).  IHS is an independent, non-religious, ALL volunteer, nonprofit, 501(c)3 public charity.  IHS assists long distance families who are underfunded with lodging and food and other critical needs including items such a providing new infant car seats for UVA's pediatric clinics. A celebration of Elisheva's life is scheduled for this Sunday, April 10th beginning at 2:30 pm at Grace and Glory Lutheran Church located at 683 Thomas Jefferson Pwky VA-53 (Palmyra) VA 22963 (434-589-2217). In lieu of flowers, please consider Elisheva's efforts in raising funds for her charity, IHS at http://www.interfaithhumanitariansanctum.org/donate.php or mail to: IHS PO Box 163 Palmyra, VA 22963

First Things First - THE PLAN

So many of the readers of my e-mails are couples, or families of couples, whom we have already married.  The fog of planning for the wedding of which we were participants as wedding ministers has drifted into the past; but, the memories of bringing together all the vendors and support activities down to one date is remembered as a challenge. So much can be accomplished with such ease when attention to this one-time special occasion is given adequate time to plan. Many considerations must go into planning a wedding, whether hosting a small or large audience. What is the most convenient time (Spring, Summer, Fall?) and location (farm, home, vineyard, chapel, etc.?) to insure that most guests can schedule attendance and make the trip with ease and expectation that a holiday or storm season will not leave them in an airport hundreds of miles away?  Budget considerations are prominent in all planning. Inside or outside for the ceremony, the reception, the music, the décor, the sound, the photography and alternatives for moving inside based on inclement weather. A very deliberate list for planning has such merit. AND THAT LIST NEEDS TO BE MADE AND EXPLORED WITH A KEY PLANNER FOR EACH BUSINESS WHO WILL FILL ALL THE SLOTS AS VENDORS.  Once you have decided on the desired month, an idea of venue for your budget, then discuss present availability based on those days which are available for booking.  Then - make a call list to check with your priority list of support people and their availability for the date. AND PLEASE PLACE THE WEDDING MINISTER ON THAT CALL LIST AS TO AVAILABILITY IN THE EARLY PLANNING. Most Weddings which are structured to host family and friends are based on two parts:  The actual wedding service or ceremony and the party which follows. We are concerned with the ceremony and providing a service which represents the depth of feelings which a couple wishes to express for the most important gathering of family and friends in their lives. As soon as a couple has a projected idea for a date, or a weekend, and a venue, or at least a town and state ... then go to my website home page at www.reverendelisheva.org and access the "Contact" sheet across the top of the page, or the inquiry note at the bottom of the page. Complete that short inquiry and send.  This is the most immediate method for learning if dates and times are open, and how long you have to make our participation permanent.  Once we have this basic info, exchanges can begin. Read the website and blog postings and learn more about all contacts. There needs to be a feeling of comfort with each vendor, but most certainly with a wedding minister. It is he or she who is allowing your audience to know that they are attending the most special day in your journey together. If you are a family member or close friend of a bride or groom just beginning to explore for the "big day," pass this item along to them. It may be the information that frees them from unnecessary stress.  That alone is often a wonderful gift for a nervous couple in need of guidance. Just sharing ...  Reverend Elisheva

When Family Participation is Really Special!

On October 10, 2015 the late afternoon weather was perfect at Early Mountain Vineyards in Madison, Virginia for the wedding of Emily James and Johannes Harkema. There were a lot of Europeans at this gathering. The Harkema family flew in from the Netherlands. Family and friends are often asked to participate in a ceremony. Sometimes a talented friend or sibling will be asked to sing. Sometimes a family will have multiple musicians, and form a band for this one-time special occasion. Most certainly, readers will be found to give diversity to the ceremony. On this day among the participants was Poet David L. James, Professor of English from the Orchard Ridge Campus, Oakland Community College in Farmington Hills, Michigan. Dr. James is Emily's uncle. He wrote and delivered a special poem entitled "Our Hope." With the permission of Professor James, and for the first time in print for public enjoyment, please find the very personal words written for Emily James on the occasion of her marriage to Johannes Harkema. OUR HOPE    for Emily and J.J., Oct. 10, 2015 it's easy to see the love in your eyes, in your faces. we can even feel the love in your hearts, beating just under the skin. but it's the love six, ten, seventeen, twenty-nine years from this very day- like a well-worn pair of shoes, like your favorite ripped ball cap, like that shirt you will never throw out, thin and frayed, stained down the front, it's that kind of love we hope for. love that won't let go in any storm, that sits up with you late at night when you're sick, a love that forgives and understands and steers you back when you lose your bearings and drift away. it's a love that plants itself in your heart and branches through the blood stream, like ivy wrapping around the ribs and hip bone, down the arms and legs until you can't imagine a world without each other, without his hand around your waist, without her laughter in your ears, that's the love we want for you, a love that lifts you into the sky like it's normal, like it happens all the time, and when you look ahead, all you can ever see is the future smiling in the distance, waving for you to follow.  David James

Sincerely ... Reverend Elisheva

The Marriage License ... A Couple's Responsibility

Even though my e-mail attachments to inquiries fully explain how we work and make many helpful suggestions, sometimes over the course of every year, someone will not read these critical items for accomplishment. One item which is sometimes skipped over, and wrongfully ASSUMED, is that the minister will obtain a marriage license for the couple. As most will recognize, this is not a logical assumption. The marriage license must be purchased by the couple and presented to the minister or officiant at the ceremony. The Rules and Fees are different in each state Virginia is our prime area for performing weddings, although we do travel into adjacent states. We are still asked to come to parts of West Virginia, Maryland and Washington, D.C. Most North Carolina requests are simply too far for travel. Also there will be extra costs for the minister's lodging. There are Interfaith Ministers in many major metro areas of that state. However, each state and the District of Columbia have an easily accessed Clerk of the Court with a Marriage Bureau. I mention these areas specifically, for I am registered and approved for performing legal weddings in these states and in DC, as well as many other locations. Allow me to speak about Virginia in general, then call a local Clerk for the details In every county in Virginia is a Clerk of the Court. In the Clerk's Office is a Marriage Bureau, or similar name. Each office can be accessed by phone or on-line website. Information is fully spelled out on these websites, but if anything is not absolutely clear, pick up that phone and call and take notes. If needed, the couple can visit the Clerk's Office for clarification. Most licenses are about $30-$35, but can be higher. The license is good for a period of sixty (60) days, which means that you do not want to make a purchase until you have a solid date for the actual ceremony. You do not want the license to expire before a legal wedding can be performed. If it does, you will have to purchase another license. My suggestion is to purchase the license from 7-14 days before the ceremony. In Virginia the license is provided to the minister or officiant by the couple, on or just before the wedding date. The minister will retain the license, complete and sign it (no witnesses are required), and mail it directly to the Clerk within days of the wedding. The couple is given information by the Clerk's Office at the time of purchase regarding cost for original copies (only a few dollars per copy) and where to send a request for copies. The couple needs to keep this information for any future need for copies of the marriage license. In Virginia a couple can purchase the marriage license at any Clerk's office and use it immediately at any location within the state. A license is only good in the state where it is obtained.  There are waiting periods and other restrictions in other states, but once you have the license in Virginia, you are not restricted for immediate pursuit of being wed. The state of Maryland has some restrictions such as a waiting period of 48 hours from purchase until hosting a ceremony, and the license in Maryland is only good within the county where the license was purchased.  This makes Virginia less problematic for late purchases, but a couple's planning should not be allowed to wait until the last week day before a ceremony. Don't be surprised when a government office is closed for a holiday. If you do wait, problems can arise, and a legal wedding may be delayed. Just sharing. A Final Note of Importance ... I do not marry couples inside courthouses A couple may think that ministers will marry them in a courthouse or the Clerk's Office. I do not perform weddings in courthouses. On the marriage license form is a block which I must mark as a "religious" ceremony, and religious ceremonies are not performed in courthouses. I do perform "non-religious" ceremonies, but that is not the same as a "civil" ceremony performed inside a courthouse setting.  Many Clerk's offices do not have arrangements for marrying a couple in their facility, while others may be able to schedule a couple for an Officer of the Court to perform a short civil ceremony.  Use your time wisely to get the details needed for planning. Sincerely ... Reverend Elisheva

A Most Pleasant Place for a Most Intimate Wedding

Over the last ten years we have been asked if we perform "elopement" size weddings. What that generally means is just a couple alone or perhaps a few friends or family members (usually six or less) accompanying the couple. So - YES ... we do perform very small weddings at homes or farms, and under large shade trees at one favorite public location mostly on week days away from the crowded venues geared to weekend events. The location is Pleasant Grove Park, located along Thomas Jefferson Parkway (Highway 53) just 12 miles from Mr. Jefferson's home of Monticello, between Charlottesville and Palmyra, Virginia.   A Magnificent change has taken place over the last few years at Pleasant Grove   The large 800 acre park now has something for everyone, but one dynamic transformation has been the renovation of the 1854 William Douglas Haden House, which had been empty for years. The Haden House is now a Visitor's Center and Museum, and offices are open daily Monday-Friday. The House Museum hours are open for four hours on Saturday and Sunday. There is a restroom building next to the parking lot at the rear of Haden House open during business hours, and many locations under the large shade trees for reserving time for a wedding. There is even the opportunity during normal business hours to use the small reading room upstairs in the House, if inclement weather intrudes for an outside ceremony.     Your best bet for details is to call Malinda Payne Monday-Friday at (434) 589-2016     Reading Room for Inside Wedding Again, here is the link for more information about Fluvanna County's Pleasant Grove Park. When mapquesting the location, the address is 1736 Thomas Jefferson Parkway (Highway 53), Palmyra, VA 22963. What will be a truly pleasant surprise is how reasonable the fees are for reserving space and equipment for weddings and family gatherings. As time allows, check out Fluvanna County's latest and greatest addition for creating memories. THEN - give us a call or send an e-mail and let's plan your wedding in this lovely country setting.     Grinding Wheel Outside

Vows ... The Key Moment in Every Wedding Ceremony

This element is the verbal exchange between the couple that expresses the sincere promises they are making to each other regarding their intention for the marriage. Perhaps a visit to a dictionary definition of the word vow allows for a start: "a solemn promise or assertion ... by which a person is bound to an act, service or condition." On the basis of this definition alone, the decision to write your own vows or adapt traditional vows makes perfect sense.  After all, if you're binding yourself for life, shouldn't you have a say in what it is that you're binding yourself to? Think about it! Not so long ago, wives were bound to obey their husbands. For hundreds of years no one gave that "obey" clause a second thought. It's only in recent times that people have begun to blaze their own trails.  When it comes to vow exchanges now, there is indeed flexibility. Mixing and matching traditional vows, incorporating lines of poetry, or writing completely original material are all acceptable, at least in the weddings we perform. However, the solemn nature of the vows has not changed. You are still making a pledge before all, so keep this question in mind: "What exactly are you promising your betrothed?" Vows seem to create the most apprehension for many couples In well over half of our weddings, a couple will decide to allow us to review and write vows for their review, after receiving their in depth questionnaires, which are used for the process of discovery as to their hopes and dreams and other matters of the heart.  Through their openness in answering questions about their relationship and how it evolved for a lifetime partnership, each individual is forced to write down those pertinent aspects of their growth together, and therefore the exploration touches on the uniqueness of their journey and the qualities which convinced each of them to make this public commitment for all to share. The Questionnaires are not a test; they are a tool for knowing each couple intimately This exploration in writing has proven to be the answer for personalization of text for all elements of the ceremony. It is also a marvelous stimulus for capturing and highlighting thoughts for personalizing vows, and/or at least providing the minister with insights for originating a couple's vows. The words spoken by the couple as promises or vows may be memorized, read from a card, or recited after the Minister. Our approach for a Couple who originates and delivers their Vows has proven helpful Couples must discuss the comfort level of each partner, especially when it comes to writing and delivering the vows in front of a gathering.  Some partners simply are very uncomfortable personally speaking in front of an audience at a time of high emotion. However, when the couple has concluded this direction, and wish to withhold sharing of the text with each other until the actual ceremony, then each partner e-mails the minister a copy of the script in advance. The Minister will review each script for balance for timing and tone, and relate back some suggestions which might enhance one or both deliveries.  This necessity for feedback has only occurred when a Bride had an abundance to relate, and the Groom's words were much too short. In addition, when a couple submits their vows early enough, the minister has time to tailor his or her address so as not to repeat the couple's thoughts for each other. After all, the vows should be given priority and never over-shadowed or repeated in other elements. Just ideas to consider. Let your imagination be your guide Whether customizing your own vows for personal delivery, or making a list for reciting after the Minister, develop vows that are meaningful to both you and your partner, that say something unique about your love, and that exemplify the way you envision your future together. Although your guests will be there to hear you speak your vows, this part of the ceremony is strictly between you and your intended. Listen to your heart ... the words will follow. Sincerely ... Reverend Elisheva P.S.  There are three books which we frequently access for reference for wedding elements.  We recommend: "The Everything Wedding Vows Book," 3rd Edition by Don Lipper and Elizabeth Sagehorn "Sacred Ceremony" by Dayna Reid "Alternative Weddings," by Jane Ross-MacDonald Some of the thoughts in this article on vows came from these sources.

When a Love Affair Impacts Total Strangers in a Most Positive Way

You would be absolutely correct to assume that the love of two people expressed openly for family and friends in a wedding ceremony truly radiates an energy deeply shared by all. You would also be correct to assume that over the course of the life of those couples who sustain and nourish their love for each other, each new contact to enter their home will be influenced by the kindness which is integral from a loving environment.   There is another unexpected consequence of a ceremony performed by Rev.  Elisheva Since 2010 a significant portion of every ministerial fee received has been directed to support the independent non-religious, nonprofit, 501(c)3, ALL volunteer public charity known as Interfaith Humanitarian Sanctum (IHS). Some couples over the years have made separate donations and others were made aware that a percentage of their wedding fee would be applied to support the least able among us in times of family crisis ... families neither the ministers or the couples will ever meet or know.  So - when a couple reads my blog posting of November 11, 2013 which is 2014 guidance for allowing me to be considered as the wedding minister, it is prominent to know that their love for each other will cause a ripple effect when it  reaches out to be shared by strangers in crisis. "In essence the love of two people through the act of a public commitment is extended one more level when an automatic contribution is triggered for lodging, food, and other needs for an underfunded patient or caregiver to sustain for a long distance trip for critical treatment to the University of Virginia Medical Center in Charlottesville, Virginia. Every wedding allows a couple to fall under our umbrella which states, ' You don't have to know someone to be a Friend'." Blessings .... Reverend Elisheva

WeddingWire Couples' Choice Awards™ 2014

For Immediate Release: PRESS RELEASE             Charlottesville, VA - January 31, 2014  - WeddingWire, the nation's leading online wedding marketplace, named Reverend Elisheva Weddings as a winner of the prestigious WeddingWire Couples' Choice Awards™ 2014 for Reverend Elisheva Clegg, Interfaith Minister & Pastoral Counselor, M.A. in Palmyra, VA!                         The WeddingWire Couples' Choice Awards™ 2014 recognizes the top five percent of wedding professionals in the WeddingWire Network who demonstrate excellence in quality, service, responsiveness and professionalism. The esteemed awards are given to the top local wedding vendors in more than 20 service categories, from wedding venues to wedding photographers, based on their professional achievements from the previous year.                         While many industry award winners are selected by the host organization, the WeddingWire Couples' Choice Awards™ winners are determined solely based on reviews from real newlyweds and their experiences working with Reverend Elisheva Weddings. Award-winning vendors are distinguished for the quality, quantity, consistency and timeliness of the reviews they have received from their past clients.             "There's no better way to start the year than by honoring the hard work, commitment and success of the top-rated wedding professionals within the WeddingWire Network," said Timothy Chi, CEO, WeddingWire. "It is exciting to celebrate a sixth year recognizing businesses whose clients believe they are committed to quality, professionalism and all around top-notch service. We are honored to recognize Reverend Elisheva Weddings for their impressive achievements within the wedding industry."                         As a Couples' Choice Awards™ winner, Reverend Elisheva Weddings is highlighted within the WeddingWire Network, which is comprised of over 200,000 wedding professionals throughout North America and abroad.                         Reverend Elisheva Weddings is proud to be one of the top Interfaith Wedding Ministers serving the Virginia, Maryland, DC areas in the WeddingWire Network, which includes leading wedding sites such as WeddingWire, Project Wedding, Brides.com, Martha Stewart Weddings, and Weddingbee. We would like to thank our past clients for taking the time to review our business on WeddingWire. We value all of our clients and truly appreciate the positive feedback that helped us earn the WeddingWire Couples' Choice Awards™ 2014.                         For more information about Reverend Elisheva Weddings, please visit our WeddingWire Storefront today at Reverend Elisheva Weddings.                         To learn more about the Couple's Choice Awards™, please visit www.weddingwire.com/couples-choice-awards.

A Poem for All Seasons Every Day

On page 10 from "Poems that Touch the Heart," Compiled by A.L. Alexander, first published in April 1941 is this memorable lesson. Tell Her So  Amid the cares of married strife In spite of toil and business life If you value your dear wife - Tell her so! When days are dark and deeply blue She has her troubles, same as you Show her that your love is true Tell her so! Don't act as if she's past her prime As tho' to please her were a crime If ever you loved her, now's the time - Tell her so! She'll return for each caress A hundred fold of tenderness, Hearts like hers were made to bless; Tell her so! You are hers and hers alone; Well you know she's all your own; Don't wait to carve it on a stone - Tell her so! Never let her heart grow cold Richer beauties will unfold She is worth her weight in gold Tell her so!                                                AUTHOR UNKNOWN If we had one more thing to say, do not delay another day. Happy New Year ... Elisheva and T. Wade

Ideas for Consideration Regarding Our Wedding Services in 2014

Exploration is important in order to establish comfort It is so important that a couple opens our website and reads the unsolicited testimonials and blog postings, accessed from the website home page. The blog postings are not all directed just for a couple planning a wedding, but a scan over the last year will offer some very helpful input. This deliberate review will offer a sense of comfort about "us," even before we speak by phone. Who is US? Just for a bit of early clarification, my husband and I work as a team, both writing and delivering a ceremony. A description and background can also be accessed from the website home page. Our general pattern is that I handle most of the ceremony, and Rev. T. Wade Clegg III provides requested readings, poems, blessings, and assists with rituals as needed. We are both ordained Interfaith Ministers.  My personal background includes an MA in Pastoral Counseling, and completion of the University of Virginia Health System Intensive Chaplaincy Program in 2006. There are NO obligations for exchanges Many couples worry that having a friendly conversation through phone and e-mail exchanges may obligate them.  The first time there is an obligation is after you have complete details in an attachment which is sent by e-mail, after we have talked, and then receive an e-mail from you which requests my participation as your wedding minister. I will then dispatch by e-mail an agreement for return by regular mail along with a deposit. The date is of course secured while the agreement and deposit are in the mail.  Remember - you should not request a minister's services until a complete review of fees has been established.  You should have an agreement with all vendors and participants hired to perform services for your wedding, and that includes a minister or officiant. Why are we asked to perform weddings? Our efforts to personalize a ceremony in collaboration with a couple is the main reason. The core theme of all my weddings is the love of two people, and how we proceed to learn of hopes and dreams and other details of this growing relationship is obtained through the use of individual questionnaires. The questionnaire is not a test; it is a tool for knowing you and being able to produce text and tone to reflect for family and friends why this gathering is the most important day in your life's journey.  The answers are all known to each partner, and through tailored narrative responses, and perhaps more phone conversations, a ceremony is written and provided for your review.  Generally, a ceremony encompasses about 30+ minutes. Personalization can be much more than just the text of the ceremony Family involvement is so very important if there are close relationships. Involvement can involve family or friends performing a reading or a poem; having two close friends or family members each holding a ring; having parents involved in special rituals to honor their presence, such as lighting candles, or offering a blessing of the union. If there are children from present or previous relationships, and they are age appropriate for participation, then this should be considered. Information which is obtained from Questionnaires allows me to know what to suggest in order to make a ceremony family friendly and a lasting memory for everyone. A personal meeting is always possible with adequate planning in advance About half of couples who are planning a wedding many months in the future make a plan to visit us in Charlottesville, Virginia for a tabletop conversation, usually on a weekend day which is not already obligated for a wedding. Many week days are also available for planning.  We understand the need for some couples to have an added sense of comfort, and a personal meeting can be important. Most couples who travel from Maryland, Washington, DC, West Virginia and even hundreds of miles in Virginia enjoy coming to Charlottesville, and even plan for an overnight stay and enjoy the history of the area. However, when a meeting is not convenient for distance, work or obligations, the e-mail and phone exchanges between minister and couple has always proven adequate for purposes of creating an intimate ceremony.  Remember - planning a wedding is part of marriage.  Stay involved together. Discuss and arrive at a comfortable place together. Now - complete that Contact Form accessed on the website home page, and let the conversation begin! Blessings ... Reverend Elisheva

Involve the Minister Early in the Wedding Planning Process

A Good Rule of Thumb ... Once a couple has determined the most desired dates for their wedding, checked with key family members and friends to assess their ability to be present, and  talked to their favorite venue as to availability for the dates ... THEN it is time to talk to those ministers (or other celebrants) with whom there is a comfortability. Ask if they are also available for those dates. Quite frankly, with notes in hand and dates established with a venue THAT is the time to press on and make contact with all participants. Too often couples linger too long for completing their list of key personnel. Regretfully the minister is often near the bottom of the list.  An Important Reminder I am aware that many couples have limited exposure to ministers who seek to personalize a ceremony, making it intimate to them and their special audience. However, that is what my husband and myself do, and it is indeed different than so many very defined weddings. The intimacy  of a relationship and its depth of meaning to a couple will be fully expressed, whether a religiously oriented or a non-religious ceremony. The Ceremony is the HEART of a Wedding Plan I say it often and I mean it sincerely ... this is THE most important ceremony in a couple's life.  It is that time when two people face each other, before their most cherished friends, and declare to each other that each will be the support system totally committed for the well-being of the other for a lifetime.  The audience in a wedding is coming for that special memory when this relationship reached a new plateau. They did not come for the food,  the music, the dancing ...  those are the party elements which they can find at home. They come for the serious celebration, and then enjoy the other opportunities to celebrate openly with a couple. But -  never think for a moment that the words that a couple will speak to each other, and have expressed by their minister, are not important. They are vital expressions which last with all who are present for their lifetimes. It is a precious gift when a couple shares this sacred happening. Both Partners Need to Feel comfortable with their Minister Several prior phone conversations or e-mail exchanges, perhaps even a meeting, will allow for a couple to establish a comfort zone. For some that will involve a trip to Charlottesville, Virginia, while distance or work schedules simply prohibit many from a visit.  Only about half of the couples we marry are able to meet personally before the wedding date. A Meeting Before or After an Agreement has Merit The personal meeting has never been a determining factor in preparation for a ceremony. Yes, a personal meeting does allow for easing the minds of many couples, but our use of questionnaires for each partner has provided a significant route through writing for knowing so very much. Each questionnaire is e-mailed separately to each partner with a request of no discussion with the other partner. I know the answers are indeed coming from each partner without the influence of the other. These questionnaires are NOT a test; they are a tool for learning of hopes and dreams and other matters of the heart.  The core theme of all my weddings is the love of two people. When each partner offers candid, open feelings about their relationship and goals for this journey, I will have the ingredients for a true reflection of their love affair. Remember - professional wedding ministers are constantly receiving inquiries When I provide a response to an inquiry, it is always based on a specific date(s) and time of day. The venue may change, but as long as it is within reasonable distance from the initial site, that is not a problem.  Date, time and town location are key items for an agreement. I also say that "at this writing I am available for your wedding date." Promises cannot be made until I receive a request for my participation, check again for availability, make sure that the couple has reviewed details from which to make a decision, and then I e-mail the wedding agreement. Initially,  I dispatch a detailed attachment to an e-mail with some initial questions, costs, suggestions, etc. In other words, a couple is immediately provided enough details for securing my services. DETAILS are important and in writing to the degree possible.  I will then hold the date while awaiting the return of the wedding agreement with a deposit for return by regular mail.  There is no obligation until a couple e-mails a specific request for my participation. Some Final Thoughts This posting is not meant to be a list of do's and do not's. It is an opportunity for a couple to consider the importance of the ceremony and the start of something really big!  It is a chance to think about the importance of this choice in life, and by writing about it in some small degree may awaken an even deeper appreciation of the words and phrases to be said.  Use these ideas as a guide, and once you have selected a minister, please remember to acknowledge the input of other ministers and celebrants.  No explanation is necessary as to why a couple is going in another direction. Perhaps it is a sense of needing a representative of a particular faith, or trying to honor some wishes of parents. Whatever reasons for a decision, it is a couple's joint collaboration, and that is what is important in maintaining a marriage. Within a week of receiving all details, and having conversation, and certainly after a personal meeting, it is so very respectful to simply contact a minister and relate your decision.  Just sharing.

Let's Talk Weather!

More specifically ...  Let's address the landscape which is Virginia As wedding ministers who travel throughout Virginia, and into West Virginia, Maryland, Washington DC, and sometimes into North Carolina,  the opportunities every month of the year allows us a multitude of experiences.  It also allows for making suggestions to couples, which may mean some extra planning.  No - I am not talking about changing dates, since booking of a venue most likely has already been secured by deposit for a favored location. I am speaking of making plans to secure the best possible outcome for the ceremony. Large or small weddings require the same attention to attendees There is considerable flexibility for small weddings, but no less attention is required for even a few special guests.  They all come to enjoy, listen intently and remember your special day. It does not have to be a perfect setting or perfect weather; it does require adaptability for comfort.  If indeed there is a need to quickly move inside, has that move been reviewed and planned with adequate staff to take chairs, decorations, and equipment inside?  How long will such a change take?  Is there a planned cut-off time for making the move, and no procrastination?  If a small venue or home wedding, let the groomsmen know that they may be recruited for extra duties as the situation dictates. There are better months for planning for outdoor weddings ... so pre-planning is best When scouting venues, talk to location managers or locals, and listen carefully.  As said, we always look at the location on an inquiry form, plus the date, time of day, and size of audience. These factors are all important in early planning, especially for an outdoor ceremony. The very first response to most couples, especially when hosting a large to medium size audience is to make sure that an alternative plan is absolutely in place for moving inside quickly and efficiently.  Yes - it's wonderful to be out in a park or on a beach, until a storm arrives and everyone is forced to either run or sit in total discomfort for a twenty minute ceremony. This can be an adventure for many young people, but rest assured that elderly people with health concerns will not be so enchanted by nature's unexpected turn.  Check the forecast beginning days in advance, and discuss deadlines for movement inside There are months which can be bone-chillingly cold.  And there are months when the heat will melt the candles.  Both conditions affect the comfort of guests, and that can be very disappointing. Friends and family have generally traveled for a day of comfortable surroundings. Thirty minutes outside with a wind chill of thirty-five degrees and no covering can make for a very long ceremony. The same is true when the temperature is one hundred degrees at 3 PM on the lawn of a golf club.  The formal wear begins to be most burdensome. Unexpected cool weather is generally the most disruptive... although heat can be dangerous Cold and wet attire, wind chill, and sitting still and listening for 20-30 minutes is not enjoyable. Do not expect the best voice from a minister or reader, and especially for singers and musicians when the conditions are so challenging.  Sunrise weddings on Virginia Beach may work for an elopement for ten minutes, but quite frankly even ministers tend to pass on some challenges. When a  minister speaks of situations from hundreds of ceremonies ... LISTEN! As much as a couple can be determined to make it work, the first concern must be the guests and female members of a wedding party with naked shoulders shivering in the wind.  May -September are the most popular months, but when it's hot, heat stroke can occur. Standing members can become faint.  Most ceremonies can be situated outside at the time of day when shade will fall on the audience, or a tent may be erected to provide some cover. However, the heat may not be diminished very much, and guests should be provided water abundantly.  When direct sun is a concern, then guests should be allowed to stay in the shade until the last minute and then told to take their places in an open seating arrangement. They must NEVER be allowed to sit and boil while the wedding party is running late for entry. A possibility often neglected Venues in the cooler months should not be overlooked. Take the group inside a cozy resort or B&B for a wonderful environment.  Most venues will be less apt to be filled, and may even offer special price considerations.  Most ministers are delighted to receive inquiries during the winter months.  Of course there may be a need for caution for those months when snows can arrive, such as January-March in Central Virginia. This can diminish travel by air and auto, but generally not for more than a day. Also, many friends and family may actually be more readily available for attendance and able to leave working obligations in the early part of the year.  Just sharing. Remember - whenever and wherever the ceremony takes place,  it will be the most important ceremony in your lives.  However, there is wisdom in close scrutiny and early planning.  Also - the couple who plans together will enjoy the process so much more.  Planning a wedding is a part of marriage.

Much love ... Reverend Elisheva

Share Something Very Special This Year

This message is for widest dissemination, for I have reached into my favorite book to share a poem. The book of which I speak actually has been near our bed stand for years. Some of you will recall that I have shared poems in the past from A.L. Alexander's collection, entitled "Poems That Touch the Heart." It was first printed in 1941, and there were twenty-five reprintings after that. Well - I have been moved to present another lovely poem at this seasonal opportunity. Happy Talk can lead to Extended Joy Elisheva and I were visited two weeks ago by a couple from Washington, D.C. We have been asked to perform their wedding in Luray this summer. During this intimate first time meeting, the couple mentioned that they would immediately depart from the wedding site for the ancient Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan - said to be one of the happiest places on earth. The couple was surprised when we related that one of the most enjoyable reads this year was finding Lisa Napoli's book entitled "Radio Shangri-La." In this intimate little book of her travels, she relates that Bhutan measures its success in Gross National Happiness rather than in GNP. So - we knew something about this place of adventure, where happiness is promoted so integrally into the culture. What was originally to be only thirty minutes over coffee with this soon to be married couple turned into a very delightful, and may I say, happy conversation for ninety minutes. People can lose themselves in happiness.   Being Deliberate in the Pursuit of Happiness Happiness is a topic for which we both are drawn, and books which explore happiness seldom escape our review. That can run the gamet from books of poems to in depth explorations by social scientists, such as Jonathan Haidt. We have read his excellent book, "The Happiness Hypothesis (Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom)" several times, and often use it for reference. He is a social psychologist who describes his corner of exploration and teaching as morality and the moral emotions. Now you know of at least two books which are worthy of your time. The Alexander collection of poems is generally difficult to find, except outside of a library with an extensive diversity; therefore, it is our duty to introduce for your sharing habits one poem at a time over the years. Thinking Happiness, a poem by Robert E. Farley, is our gift for sharing this Holiday Season Think of the things that make you happy,      Not the things that make you sad; Think of the fine and true in mankind,      Not its sordid side and bad; Think of the blessings that surround you,      Not the ones that are denied; Think of the virtues of your friendships,      Not the weak and faulty side: Think of the gains you've made in business,      Not the losses you've incurred; Think of the good of you that's spoken,      Not some cruel, hostile word; Think of the days of health and pleasure,      Not the days of woe and pain; Think of the days alive with sunshine,      Not the dismal days of rain; Think of the hopes that lie before you,      Not the waste that lies behind; Think of the treasures you have gathered,      Not the ones you've failed to find; Think of the service you may render,      Not of serving self alone; Think of the happiness of others,      And in this you'll find your own!

From our family to yours ... Much happiness T. Wade and Elisheva Clegg

I'll Write ... You Read ... then it's meeting time with Bride and Groom

Some important thoughts for a Couple to place on their "To Do" List   And with any luck the time will come when we can sit across a table, sipping coffee and savoring a bit of cheesecake. And we will exchange that most precious commodity: intimate conversation filled with high expectations, new friends discussing plans for their wedding.   Talk of hopes and dreams and the excitement of the journey can turn an hour into two. Many couples simply need to get that sense of comfort with a minister. It's important to hear of concerns, especially to know if their selection of a minister is someone who can bring their ceremony to family and friends in a manner which reflects their wishes. It's important to learn of sensitivities within and between families. It's important to learn of rituals preferred, especially when it is an interfaith wedding. A personal meeting is that opportunity to become comfortable with the person who is performing the most important ceremony in the life of a couple.   Captain Kirk reminded us of an important gift   We were watching a documentary this past evening entitled "Captains." William Shatner, the actor of note from many roles, but especially Star Trek, allowed us to listen to an entertaining couple of hours sharing conversations with all of the Star Trek Captains over the years, and some of the notable cast members so many of us remember. Then at the very end, as the credits were scrolling by, the final thank you came up and stopped. Shatner wrote several comments, and then offered: "These friends allowed me such a marvelous gift ... their time." That is exactly what we hope to enjoy with each couple: their time ... as time is allowed.   So many couples ask, "Can we meet?"   Of course we can meet, and that should be a part of your planning. However, I live near Charlottesville, Virginia and a meeting generally entails a full day, at least for those who live in Virginia, Maryland and the DC area. Many couples who plan ahead will take a weekend day and drive to Charlottesville, often staying for one night, enjoying the delights of this historic town, and meeting with us for a discussion. If a couple needs directions or ideas for a hotel accessible for visiting Monticello, Carter Mountain, University of Virginia, etc, please ask.   Not all couples can make that trip to Charlottesville   Keep in mind that only about half of all couples actually are close enough for meeting with ease. Many couples have waited too late for planning a meeting. Many live in other states, and will fly into their ceremony location just before the ceremony. As much as we would like to have that face to face talk months in advance, and become familiar before a ceremony, sometimes it is just not possible. Then, a bit more time is spent with e-mail exchanges, and the importance of my questionnaire to learn of hopes and dreams and other matters of the heart become so very prominent in order to write for text and tone. Sometimes in the course of exchanges, a phone call might allow for a more open dialogue to settle a matter quickly.   What happens when family members wish to attend that first meeting?   There have been many meetings over the years when a mother of the bride, or both mothers have arrived with the couple. There have been occasions when a couple brought their separate children with them. The list of combinations can be interesting. The question is usually asked: Is it OK for them to come with us? And the answer is: Certainly!   However, at some point after general introductions, I will ask the couple to join me for a private conversation at a separate table, and Rev. T. Wade will occupy the rest of the family with the most interesting conversation one can imagine. He can speak football fluently. There must be private time with the couple.   I have noticed on occasion when mothers are in attendance, there is a tendency on their part to want to know exactly how I will be handling the ceremony. It is at that point, but usually before it is asked, that I offer something like, "Please understand that I do not write a wedding until I have received completed questionnaires from a couple. I then draft the ceremony for their review and their review only. The wedding is therefore always approved by a couple in advance based on their request. I do insist that no one, except the couple, is to hear the script before it is delivered in a wedding. I do this rather deliberately, since a personal wedding must be that of a couple, and exposing it to friends and family lead to exchanges which may put pressure on a couple to make changes. That must never happen, since the ceremony becomes the wishes of others. And I am here to fulfill the wishes of the couple."     Perhaps this might be considered a gentle reminder that YOUR WEDDING IS YOUR DREAM DAY.   Just sharing.

Sound Professionals are Vital to Most Wedding Ceremonies

This is one of those e-mails to be converted to a blog posting which has little merit after a wedding. However, as all couples with whom we have served as wedding ministers will note, our emphasis on securing a "sound" professional was really excellent advice when a wedding had 25+ guests. This is one of those extended articles to serve future couples in their planning. When Wedding Ministers say you need sound ... believe them I never understood why wedding planners often neglect telling couples the importance of sound for the ceremony, whereas sound for a reception would never be neglected. The most important part of a wedding is the ceremony. It is the core part of the celebration which has brought family and close friends from great distances to hear the depth of a couple's commitment to each other. It is a rare and wonderful half hour for the couple, and it MUST BE HEARD. Without sound for the minister and readers, inside or outside, any minister or officiant speaking in an intimate voice to the couple will simply not be heard beyond a few rows of seating. Without sound enhancement that can mean the difference in total enjoyment of the couple's personalized 30-minute ceremony, OR at least half of an audience simply sitting in the sun periodically hearing noise from the front. Nothing is more disappointing for grandparents with less than perfect hearing to be totally shut out of a day which is so meaningful to them. There are consequences when hiring the less than professional It is not possible to remember all of the sound people with whom we have worked over the years. There have been many who simply were not prepared to accommodate the ceremony, but were hired as a DJ for the reception. The less acquainted have come with a hand-held microphone and no stand to hold it, not realizing that a minister's hands must be free at all times. Some less acquainted with sound may place speakers in a position where feedback can suddenly scream at the audience. Some less acquainted will not have wireless microphones and not enough cable to do the job for a large wedding. Some less acquainted will not have scouted the wedding ceremony site (or asked about the site) to check if the sound system may need battery power, since the site is far from an electrical connection. Some less acquainted will place the system at the site without monitoring the ceremony, and when something goes wrong, there is no one to immediately correct the matter. Some will be dressed far too casual for a large formal ceremony. SO ... why not hire a Professional? Recently, I wrote to a number of professional sound professionals, many who are not only employed for the ceremony, but also for their other professional skills. Each of the persons listed below are people and firms who know their jobs and have the equipment to make it happen. I will only offer the four (4)  with whom I have experienced several times, and with whom I am gratified each time they appear at a wedding site. Please read the short notes provided to me, and then explore their websites for complete details. Then - email or call to secure their services. As professionals, please realize that their bookings are made many months in advance. Eric Cunningham of Choice Entertainment ... My radius is normally 75 miles from Richmond.  So I will travel to Norfolk, South Hill, Charlottesville and NOVA. Pricing depends on the number of microphones needed. 10035 Sliding Hill Rd Ste 200 Ashland VA 23005, 804-788-4603 Eric@ChoiceEntertainment.com      www.ChoiceEntertainment.com Ran and Linda Henry of Blue Mountain Weddings ... offer a unique blend of services as husband and wife, helping to create and capture wedding memories.  From Charlottesville churches and Blue Ridge Mountain wineries to the ballrooms of Richmond, the District of Columbia and the Maryland shores, the Henrys entertain and photograph joyous, romantic celebrations. Ran Henry is a wedding dee jay and emcee performing at over 1700 events since 1984, with stellar sound, unobtrusive speakers, tasteful lighting and the skills to compose a musical menu brides and grooms and wedding guests will savor.  Ran Henry is an expert reception planner and emcee, assuring a timely flow of formalities and the enjoyment of every blissful moment.  Ran Henry uses Shure microphones to amplify all the voices of a wedding day, and compact discs, not computers, for warm, natural sound. Ran and Linda Henry provide premium photographic services as a couple, giving you over a thousand images of your wedding day, depicting you and your family and friends through eyes only a husband and wife can share.  Linda Henry is the portrait artist, Ran Henry the photojournalist, focusing on the highlights you can't forget and those candid shots that bring smiles.  The photography of Ran and Linda Henry is featured in the Miami Herald, the St. Petersburg Times, the News-Virginian and the Charlottesville Daily Progress. For complete details:www.bluemountainweddings.com Josh Nicol,  DJ ... I am willing to travel around the Central Virginia area if I am not booked at Khimaira Farm in Luray. I would be more than willing to travel between Northern Virginia and Winchester down to between Charlottesville and Harrisonburg. Address: 432 Sunnyview Drive, Rileyville VA 22650 Phone:  540.860.2653(cell) 540.743.9425(home) Email: josh@djjoshnicol.com  Website: www.djjoshnicol.com Here is the link to our website detailing info and our Khimaira Farm (Luray, VA) website: http://luraypageweddings.com/services/music/ http://www.eventsatthefarm.com/AVEquipment.htm Jason Rethemeyer, the AV Company... "We call Charlottesville home and the majority of our business is done within a 60 mile radius of Charlottesville.  We have worked with most of the wineries in the central Virginia region that open themselves up to weddings and events.  Our most popular package for weddings is our ceremony sound package that provides the client with a slim line Bose tower speaker, 2 wireless microphone systems (typically one clip on style microphone for the celebrant and one handheld style placed on a microphone stand for any readers or singers) as well as a technician to remain on-site during the ceremony to monitor the microphone levels and ensure everything flows smoothly. We can also play client selected music for guest arrival, processional and recessional if that is requested via a laptop, mp3 player or CD.  We can also offer our clients a large selection of event furniture and décor elements as well as event lighting, whether it be up lighting, pin spots, bistro/string lights, band lighting or dance floor color wash.  Some pictures of past events can be found on our website www.theavcompany.net.  the AV company 1825 Avon Street Extended  Charlottesville, Virginia 22902 tel: 434-977-8288  cell: 434-566-3772  fax: 434-977-1988     jrethemeyer@theavcompany.net                      A Final Note When a professional is fully booked, he or she will generally know of other professionals to assist in your area. Ask, so you can continue your exploration. If you know of a professional sound person with whom you had a favorable experience, please share with us, and in future offerings for couples in need of that advice, I will happily pass it along. Blessings ... Reverend Elisheva

Sharing Throughts ... But Not That Often

A Personal note from Revs. T. Wade and Elisheva Clegg   We cannot be accused of overwhelming recipients with blog postings on the http://www.virginiaweddings.blogspot.com. The articles are initially sent to readers on our e-mail list, and immediately placed on the blog site. Therefore, the e-mail is more than just an announcement of the blog posting; it's an immediate read of the item and has a "forward e-mail." The hope is that these less than intrusive mailings will be well received, versus daily bombardment by political parties, and that you will send on to other friends.   Speaking of less than intrusive   The last three e-mails and blog entries were April 21, 2012 (before this e-mail), January 12, 2012, and September 21, 2011. That's about one e-mail every 2-3 months. The topics are easily reviewed as to diversity by clicking the blog site and scrolling back.   The September article emphasized that "Poetry can Lift a Wedding." An example of a poem which the audience really enjoyed and the bride wanted as a part of the ceremony was "Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog." Take a moment and enjoy.   The December posting remained the only entry for three months. Blenheim Farm and Vineyards in Charlottesville, Virginia area, although a popular wine-tasting stop for years, had just decided to open the farm for weddings last season. It deserved attention as a possible location for review. Although we have never performed a wedding at the site, it is indeed a pretty location.     The April posting was strictly of interest for couples planning ahead. Details regarding wedding licenses, along with ideas of fees and other considerations, were the sole focus of that article.   The next e-mail/blog is later this month for a wedding couple's TO DO LIST   "Sound" is the next topic of conversation. Past experiences with medium to large weddings, which neglected to enhance hearing for the audiences, have proven so disappointing. Not for the minister, the couple and the people seated on the front row, but for everyone else! Sound must not be left as optional for the most important ceremony in the life of a couple. We will offer ideas, and specific professionals scattered around Virginia with whom we have worked. If you have experienced a Sound Professional/ DJ from an event or a wedding, then please send us an e-mail with their contact information and a comment. We would love to provide that information in our next in depth posting.     The question we often ask ourselves: Are we writing a newsletter or a blog?   Quite frankly, our postings are probably more newsletter oriented. We may give extended attention to one topic, or list several items of interest. A concerted effort is made to pick a topic and offer in depth information with links for a reader. At the core, a blog and a newsletter is simply a Web page. Each communication format can contain text, images, and formatting styles.   It would be nice if readers would actively ask more questions about topics regarding weddings, so that a tailored answer could be addressed. After all, one objective is to offer pertinent information which can serve couples planning a wedding. But remember, we are Interfaith ministers, and weddings are only part of what we do. Some postings will reach beyond planning a wedding.     A Final Note   It is true that our focus as Interfaith Ministers is tailored to personalization of weddings, and we travel considerable distances when proper planning is allowed. One or both of us is approved in all states and the District of Columbia. Couples are asked to read our website at http://www.reverendelisheva.org and click on testimonials for a true sense of how we are received. In addition, for almost four years our dedication has been aimed at our totally independent, non-religious, all volunteer, 501(c)3 public charity, which is Interfaith Humanitarian Sanctum, Inc.   From all wedding fees a portion is allowed for support of this charity for temporary assistance for the indigent population who comes from all over Virginia to be served by the UVA Medical Center. A couple can provide a direct donation for a tax deduction, or we as ministers will direct our income from fees as needed to sustain this worthy objective. In essence, our ministerial roles are an integral part for sustaining our charitable organization, so when you receive e-mails from both entities, please know that our hearts and minds are ONE. Your wedding, if a couple seeking a wedding minister, will make a difference in the lives of the least able among us as they struggle with the most tragic of circumstances.

Blessings ... US ... Revs. Elisheva and T. Wade Clegg